


you been holding your breath, weighted down.

by falconeggs



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Bisexuality, Coming Out, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 11:16:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8748370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falconeggs/pseuds/falconeggs
Summary: But, there they sat, enjoying each other's company and the match. And while it was surprising, and didn't make a lick of sense, even Paddy could see the bond between them. Despite all odds, they were the best of friends.orfive times, throughout the years, that people have been surprised by aaron and robert, and one time they weren't really.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I desperately wanted a slow-burn Best Friends AU, but I'm impatient and can't write slow-burn to save my life. Please excuse any mistakes, this was just barely edited.

Paddy was surprised to walk in and see Robert sat next to Aaron on the couch.

It had been just over a week since Aaron has slit up from Victoria, and Paddy had been looking forward to being rid of Robert. He did not enjoy Robert's arrogance and attitude. To be perfectly honest, he wasn't sure why Aaron had stuck his neck out to be his friend. Sure, they were friendly before, working side-by-side at the garage, but he'd been so sure that the breakup would put a stop to the friendship. 

He was wrong, apparently. The two were sat on his couch, watching a football match. Aaron poorly tried to hide the beer in his hand as he looked up at Paddy, shifting it just slightly out of sight behind his arm, trying his damnedest to look innocent. That look never seemed to fit right on Aaron's face. 

"Alright?" His pseudo-son asked him. 

Paddy gave a quick nod to them both before heading to the kitchen to put on the kettle. Once he was sure that the two were back into the match, he observed them from the kitchen in a way that he knew Aaron would hate if he were caught.

It didn't make sense, the pair of them. The age difference between them alone should have stopped a close friendship between them, with Robert already in his twenties and Aaron just barely seeing eighteen before him. Robert craved attention, where Aaron would rather die than have all eyes on him. Aaron liked to pick fights and get into trouble, with a long track record to prove it, where Robert very clearly strived to be better than that. The only thing they seemed to have in common, especially now that Vic wasn't there as a middle ground, was the garage.

But, there they sat, enjoying each other's company and the match. And while it was surprising, and didn't make a lick of sense, even Paddy could see the bond between them. Despite all odds, they were the best of friends.

"I'm thinking of quitting," Robert said, not even looking over at Aaron. Paddy turned away, just in case one of them looked over, giving the illusion of privacy. It was hardly private, though, since Paddy was actively listening.

"Quitting what?" Aaron asked, glancing at Paddy's turned back before taking a long sip from his beer bottle.

"The garage," Robert responded, making Aaron sputter in surprise. Paddy was surprised, too. The fan club of girls that followed Robert around all day seemed to enjoy the grease monkey look he had going for him. Paddy suspected it was the only reason he was a mechanic in the first place.

"You what?" Aaron asked. Paddy could imagine the incredulous look on his face that matched his tone.

"Yeah," Robert said, almost too nonchalantly. "Lawrence White offered me a job. A good one, too, where he'd teach me the ropes and I could move all the way up." There was a pause; no one was sure what to say for just a moment. Then, Robert chuckled. "I suspect Chrissie's got something to do with it. She's got it bad for me, mate."

Even Paddy knew that was true. If the gaggle of girls that were mad for Robert were a fan club, Chrissie White was definitely the president of it. She made it a point to be found at all of his usual stomping grounds, and made up a million excuses to have him work on her car. Robert liked the attention too much to let it go unnoticed.

"She's well fit, too," Robert continued, and Paddy could hear the cheeky grin in his voice. 

"Hadn't noticed," Aaron said, almost sounding bored. 

"Hadn't noticed?" Robert returned. Paddy felt as confused as Robert sounded. Chrissie was stunning, anyone could agree. Any sensible young lad at their age should have found her attractive. "It's Chrissie White. How'd you not notice Chrissie White?"

"She's not really my type," Aaron explained. 

Robert scoffed at that, and Paddy could see him shaking his head from the corner of his eye. "Yeah," he teased. "You've got weird taste in girls, mate. Dating my sister, and all." 

Aaron shoved Robert with a grin on his face. "You're really quitting for a girl?" He asked. "Mate, there are other girls."

"Hey, it could be a smart move," Robert said. "Can't hurt, getting a new job. Could make some real money."

"She's got a son, though," Aaron reminded. Robert was hardly parental material, that was plain. He hardly wanted to be in the same room with a baby, nonetheless be part of a young kid's life.

Paddy could hear the shrug. "He's not mine, is he?" He asked in a tone that just made the observer's stomach churn. He really didn't like Robert.

Paddy wasn't surprised, a few days later, to hear that Robert had taken to job with Lawrence, and had begun to see Chrissie. He was, however, surprised to see him, still on his couch, even though the garage was no longer a catalyst for his and Aaron's friendship.

-

Chrissie was surprised to hear that her boyfriend's best mate was in hospital. 

Everyone was, to be perfectly honest. Aaron Livesy making an attempt on his own life? It didn't add up. No one around him saw it coming. He seemed alright, despite the charges against him. 

Chrissie and Aaron had been making a real effort to get on, for Robert's sake. They came from nearly opposite worlds, and had exactly one thing in common: Robert. They butted heads constantly, and they didn't really enjoy each other's company, but the effort was still there. Chrissie, even in the wake of what happened, didn't pretend that she and Aaron were close, the way so many people were. But, if he mattered to Robert, he mattered to Chrissie.

She arrived to his room with a massive bouquet of flowers in arm, opening the door to find the pair of friends there.

She hadn't expected Robert to be there. Now that she'd seen him, though, she wasn't sure why.

"Knock knock," she said, stepping into the room, closing the door behind her. The young men's eyes tore from each other and up to her.

"Chrissie," Robert said, the surprise kept off of his face, but lilted in his voice. "What are you doing here?"

She lifted the flowers with a little smile, before walking a little further into the room. Her eyes went from Robert to Aaron. "I wanted to pay you a visit," he said. "I figured your room might need a bit of sprucing up. I figured right, too." She set the flowers down on the nearest flat surface before she found herself on the side of the hospital bed that Robert wasn't occupying. "How are you feeling?"

She could see that it was Aaron's turn to be surprised at how genuine she was. He gave her a shrug and the smallest smile he could manage. "I'm alright," he lied, still too attached to tubes for it to be true. "Thanks. For the flowers. They're nice."

Chrissie reached down and patted his hand. She looked over his face, all of the thoughts she'd had about everything bubbling to the surface. Before she could stop herself, she was talking. "Aaron, you know you're not alone," she started. 

"Chrissie," Robert interjected, a sharp tone she hadn't heard from him before. It wasn't sharp enough to stop her, though.

"I know we don't get on well," she continued. She didn't even take her eyes off the young man before him. "But I do care for you. And you can come to me about anything. I really want you to know that. Whatever is going on with you, you're not alone."

Little did she know that he and Robert had just been having a very similar discussion. Robert wouldn't tell her about how broken up he was about this. Not ever. Chrissie would never hear about how he had nearly screamed at Aaron for not trusting him with whatever burden had weighed so heavily on him.

Aaron offered her a little smile, tugging at the corners of his lips just slightly harder than his last had. "Thanks, Chrissie," he said. "That's very kind of you."

She smiled back at him, with a look halfway between pity and support. After another moment, she straightened out her back, her chin tilting just slightly upwards. "Well," she said. "I'd best be off. Let me know if I can do anything, alright?" She gave his hand one last squeeze before she looked from Aaron to Robert expectantly. "Walk me out?"

Robert hesitated before standing up, pulling down his shirt. He walked silently with her out of the room, and didn't pull away when she linked her arm in his.

"Do you know?" She asked him, quietly, the question having passed everyone's lips that day. "Why he did it? Is that wrong of me to ask?"

Robert sighed and shook his head. "I have no idea why he did it," he said, quietly. It was only then that she could see exactly how exhausted he was. There was no color in his face, and his eyes had sunken deep into their sockets, fighting to stay open. "He won't tell me, either. Probably got something to do with the charges against him."

Chrissie knew better than to ask more questions. It was too soon, and too much. Instead of pushing, she leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek, giving him a warm smile. "I'll see you later," she promised. "Call if he needs anything. You, too."

Robert let go of her and watched her walk away. His hands scrubbed over his face, and he let out a soft sigh. He needed to pull himself together. He needed to be strong.

Chrissie's surprise returned, a few weeks later, when Aaron came out at his trial. Shock ran deep when he admitted that he was gay, she could tell that he hated himself for it. When she asked Robert if he'd known, he didn't say anything. She had no idea if that was a 'yes' or a 'no'.

-

No one was surprised at the engagement. When Robert proposed, all pomp and circumstance, no one was shocked and amazed when Chrissie said 'yes'. It had been toothacheingly sweet. But no one was surprised.

It had been a massive, public event. Almost everyone there had misty eyes as Robert spoke about how much he loved Chrissie. About how she was the light of his life, his future, his everything. He surprised her with a ring that was all too Chrissie to actually be a surprise. It was perfect. It was a dream come true.

What was surprising about the engagement was the engagement party. 

While Chrissie flitted around, trying to be a gracious hostess, Robert spent a majority of the time drinking pints with Aaron. After the first hour, nearly everyone had noticed. 

Chrissie, with a tight smile plastered on her face, approached the two men at the bar. They were talking and laughing together, the same way they had been for years now. There was almost a twinge of jealousy within Chrissie, because nothing between she and Robert had ever been as easy as the friendship between them. 

She slid her hand into her fiancée's shoulder, snagging his attention. "You have to make an appearance at this party, you know," she said to him. Her tone immediately let him know he was in trouble.

He straightened up and finished the last little bit his pint before he was on his feet. He clapped Aaron in the back by way of a temporary goodbye while giving his best smile to Chrissie. It was enough, apparently, because she smiled right back at him.

They started to make rounds. They dodged questions about wedding planning and accepted half-truths disguised as compliments for an hour. Somehow, when Chrissie wasn't paying attention, Robert managed to gravitate back to the bar and back to his best man to-be. By the time Chrissie had realized that she was on her own, which only took another hour, Robert and Aaron had already finished another pint and started on the next.

What surprised everyone at the party, which was nearly the whole town and everyone they knew, was that Robert very plainly had a better time with Aaron than he did with Chrissie.

-

Lawrence wasn't surprised the day of the wedding when he couldn't seem to locate his soon-to-be son-in-law. Not because he wasn't surprised, which he was, but because it wasn't the appropriate word.

The appropriate word was somewhere around 'outraged'.

He suspected that Aaron knew where Robert was. Aaron always knew. But, no matter how often or how threateningly he'd demanded to know, Aaron wasn't saying a word. He was being as helpful as possible, looking in all of the usual places that Robert would find himself, but they were all dead ends.

It was just a few minutes before Lawrence had decided to tell Chrissie that Robert had done a runner when he arrived. Not to where he was supposed to be getting ready, but to Chrissie's door. 

Robert knocked on the door gently before slowly opening it and stepping inside. He was floored at the sight of Chrissie, more stunning than he'd ever seen her before. She was nearly angelic. Her hair was pulled back into an intricate style, showing off her gorgeous features. Her dress accentuated her perfectly in every possible way, sexy and stunning all at once without giving anything away. She looked like the perfect bride. His perfect bride.

It only made this whole ordeal harder.

"You look beautiful," he said, his voice soft and slow. 

Her head shot up to look at him. She nearly smiled, until she realized he wasn't in his tux. "What are you doing here?" She said. "The ceremony is in an hour, why aren't you dressed? You're not supposed to see me." 

He gave her a sad smile and went to sit across from her, leaving some distance between them. "I can't marry you, Chrissie," he admitted quietly, unable to meet her eyes.

There was a tense silence between them. "Today?" She asked. Her voice was tight with uncertainty. She sounded like she couldn't even comprehend what he was saying to her.

"Today," he said. "Or any day. I can't marry you. I'm so sorry, I should have figured this out a long time ago."

She shook her head and leaned closer to him, a hand reaching out to grasp his, but they were too far to take hold. He still couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes. "No," she said. "No, this is just cold feet. You'll get over this. We are going to have such a wonderful life together." She gave him a watery smile, wanting to convince him. "We're going to be a little family, you, me and Lucky. We'll have everything we've ever wanted."

It was Robert's turn to shake his head. "No, Chrissie," he said, taking on a soft, sad tone that she's never heard before. "I can't. I can't marry you. I know that."

He finally raised his eyes to meet hers. The sincerity in them made Chrissie ache. She had never seen him this way, and it made her wonder if the years they spent together were all a lie. She couldn't stop herself from crying.

"I'm not enough for you," she realized, voice shattering as she spoke.

He couldn't say anything. Because she wasn't wrong. It didn't matter how much she loved him or how much money they could have. He didn't love her enough to be her husband. It took him too long to realize.

Seeing Chrissie this way made him ache. Even though it wasn't as much as she loved him, he did love her. He cared for her. He wished that this could have been easier, but he knew, long before he walked in the room, that this would be hard. 

"Is this about Rebecca?" She asked, staring at him to force out the truth.

"Rebecca?" He asked, not expecting her sister's name to come up. "Why would this be about Rebecca?" She'd only just come into town for the wedding and Robert hadn't even glanced in her direction.

"I know she fancies you," Chrissie insisted. "And I know you were sleeping together before we were together." 

Robert shook his head, his eyebrows flexing in surprise. "This has nothing to do with Rebecca," he swore. She looked at him for a long time before deciding he was telling the truth. "There's not anyone else."

That was almost worse. It wasn't as though Robert had fallen for someone else. It was that Chrissie just wasn't enough. It made the last pieces of her heart break. 

"Get out," she said, her eyes more fierce than they were sad. It took Robert by surprise, keeping him frozen in place for a moment. "Get out!"

He was on his feet at her outburst and he was scurrying out of the room before she could throw something at him. He would have deserved it, too, if she had decided to do so.

He passed Lawrence in the hall on his way out, but didn't respond when the older man called after him. He needed out. He needed a drink or ten. 

Later, after everyone had heard and talked about the wedding being called off, Robert was sat beside Aaron at the pub. They weren't saying much, but it didn't matter. Anyone who didn't know them better would have thought that Aaron was just a guard dog to keep people from coming over and asking questions. He'd barked at a few people to mind their own business already, and no one particularly wanted to be on Aaron's bad side.

Everyone was surprised at the cancellation, sure, but they were more surprised that Aaron wasn't. Not even a little bit.

-

It was just another evening between the two friends. They sat, side by side, on the sofa in the back room of the Woolpack, watching a match between teams neither of them supported. It was comfortable, just like it always was between them. 

At least, it was until Robert started shifting around in his seat. After about a minute of the fidgeting, Aaron glanced over at him. Just a quick flash, making sure he was physically alright.

"What?" He asked, watching the match, but clearly waiting for a response.

"Nothing," Robert responded, all too quickly for it to be nothing.

"Don't," Aaron said. "Something's on your mind." 

Aaron didn't need to tell Robert not to shut him out. After just over five years of friendship, there wasn't much they didn't tell each other. The pair had been through too much to keep secrets. They both knew that.

Aaron could see Robert struggling beside him, trying to find the right words. It caught Aaron off guard, because, between the two of them, Robert was definitely better with words. He was hardly ever at a loss for them, and was always stitching together sentences that perfectly conveyed exactly what he'd wanted them to.

"Do you like girls?" Robert asked, glancing at Aaron. "Like, even a little bit? Are you attracted to women at all?"

Aaron's whole face wrinkled in confusion, unable to stop from turning, almost completely, to face Robert. "I'm gay," he said, a twinge of incredulousness in his voice. It was so easy for him to say now, completely unlike a few years ago, where he couldn't admit it to himself, nonetheless say it to Robert. "I don't like girls, mate." He grinned a bit and nudged Robert gently. "Thought we'd been over that."

Robert didn't grin back. It was like there was a war inside him, and he was losing. The easy smiles were nowhere to be found, which only concerned Aaron more.

"Why are you asking me this?" He asked. If it were anyone else, the question would have been sharp and accusatory. But this was Robert, and it came out with a lot of concern. "Is this about Vic? Because--."

"It's not about Vic," Robert interrupted, but he didn't continue. There was silence between them, only softened slightly by the match on the telly. Aaron was patient, though, when it came to Robert. He knew that, when he had selected his words, Robert would talk it out.

It took him a few minutes, but he was finally able to speak again. 

"I think I'm bisexual."

That surprised Aaron. His eyebrows lifted at the admission. They'd been through everything together, and Robert had not, not even one time, made any inclination that he was interested in men. 

"What makes you think that?" He asked back, as gently as he could. He didn't want Robert to close up, and he desperately wanted to support Robert the same way that he'd supported Aaron. 

"I like women," he admitted, almost whispering. No one would be in and out of the back room, and no one was around to listen in. But saying the words out loud wasn't a step he was ready to take. "I like how soft and beautiful they are. I like their hair and their clothes and their everything." He took a long pause. Aaron didn't interrupt. Robert would get to this on his own time. "But I like men, too. Their strength and hard edges. Cologne and stubble and-."

Robert's jaw tightened as he stopped himself. He glanced up at Aaron before his eyes returned to the direction of the match. 

Aaron thought for a moment. He wasn't the best as pep talks, that was usually Robert's job. But this? It was an exception. Robert needed to know that he had someone there for him.

"It's okay to like both," he said, nodding slightly. "Rob, mate, look at me." He paused, waiting for Robert to obey. After a moment, he did, looking over at Aaron's knees. It was enough. "It's okay. You can like who you like, and it doesn't matter what anyone else feels, yeah? You're alright."

Robert nodded a little and sighed, easing back into his comfortable position. The two returned to watching the match.

After a few minutes, their silence was broken. "Is that why you always wanted to go to the gay bar with me?" He teased.

Robert couldn't help but crack a smile and shove Aaron. "Shut up," he said, with not even a hint of malice in his voice. 

-

When Aaron told Chas he was moving out and getting a flat with Robert, she was surprised, but not terribly.

She knew Aaron wouldn't live with her forever, as much as she might like him to. That was her baby boy, her boy who had gone through so much. She didn't want him to go.

"It's not like we're going far," he'd promised her. "I'm still gonna be sat here, in this seat, askin' for a pint from you every day." His warm kindness towards her let her know that hems never abandon her. They'd been through too much together for him to just up and leave her for good, and they both knew that. 

She helped him pack as much as she could, and even pitched in to help move both his and Robert's boxes into their new place.

She was even trying to be nice to Robert as she helped load in boxes. It was nice for Aaron, to see them starting to get on. 

"This place is is gonna be a right mad house," she said, a grin on her face to emphasize that she's joking. "It'll be crawling with lads and ladies, won't it?"

She didn't notice the way Robert had looked from her to Aaron with eyebrows raised, which meant she also didn't notice the way Aaron shook his head, just slightly, at him before turning his attention back to his mother.

"Something like that," the younger man teased back, the grin on his face matching hers almost exactly. 

She sat down her last box, her eyes wandering around the towers of belongings around them. "Are you sure you don't need help unpacking?" She asked. It was an honest offer, too; they had a lot ahead of them.

"Mum," Aaron insisted. "We'll be fine. Stop hovering and get to the pub, you're already late."

She rolled her eyes at him, biting back a comment about how she was never late. Instead, she gave Aaron a tight squeeze paired with a kiss on the cheek. When she pulled back, she gave Robert a wave and headed out the door, letting them know that their first pint was on the house when they inevitably made it back to the Woolpack. It wasn't until she was outside that she'd realized she'd left her keys on their kitchen counter.

She was just about to walk back in when she couldn't stop herself from listening in on their conversation through the door.

"You haven't told her," Robert said, nearly surprised, muddled in with a twinge of sadness.

"You said it wasn't anyone's business," Aaron said. "That what happens with us is just between us, and that everyone else doesn't matter."

She heard Robert sigh softly. "Yeah," he said. "But I said that with the expectation that you'd tell Chas. She's your mum, she should probably know."

There was a long pause between them, and Chas struggled to tell if they were just speaking lowly. 

"You're serious," Aaron said, after a few moments. "You want to start telling people? Being out in the open?"

She could hear Robert chuckle, but it wasn't the same arrogant chuckle she'd grown accustomed to. This was softer, and far more kind than she was used to hearing from Robert. It suddenly made Chas feel like she was intruding on something far more private than she'd expected. "We have just moved in together," Robert said. "They'll probably find out sooner rather than later, yeah?"

Chas hesitated, knuckles hovering over the door. She took a breath, then knocked and opened the door, finding the two men pulling apart from a tender kiss. They jumped away from each other when they realized they weren't alone, putting a little distance, as though it would diffuse the situation.

They stared at each other for a long moment, waiting for someone to speak first. The men stared at her, wide-eyed, as if they'd been children caught doing something they shouldn't have instead of two grown men doing what they please in their own flat. She stared back, processing what she'd seen. It didn't register, being too left-field for her to have seen coming. 

Eventually, Chas cleared her throat and moved to pick up her keys from where she'd left them.

"Forgot my keys," she said by way of explanation, jingling them in her hand. She started back towards the door, before she looked back at the pair. She took them in, and was slammed with how perfect they were for each other. The more she was exposed to the new information, the more it made sense that they'd fall together. She gave them a little, knowing smile before walking out and giving them the privacy they deserved.

A few hours later, after Chas has processed, accepted, and distracted herself from the new information, Aaron and Robert came into the pub together for the pint they'd been promised previously. She smiled at them, but it quickly turned into a wide grin. She dipped her head and started to pour them both pints.

It wasn't long before everyone was watching them walk through the pub, hands entwined together. They didn't pull their hands away when they sat in their usual seats at the bar. They acted as though this wasn't the first time they were being seen together as a couple. 

The town was surprised by Aaron and Robert, but not terribly.


End file.
